Endings and Beginnings
Perhaps that is where our choice lies—in determining how we will meet the inevitable end of things, and how we will greet each new beginning.
—Elana K. Arnold
May is a month of endings and beginnings. It is the “final” month of sliding from January into the year’s midway point. Not quite landing in June, we are at the tail end of springtime with vibrant yellows splashing on every freeway exit and carpets of green spread on hillsides. As nature spills barrels of blossoms across landscapes we anticipate that within the next month spring will come to an end and summer will begin.
During the past few months, there has most definitely been a resounding common thread from session to session; endings and beginnings. Clients who have deconstructed family homes, bank accounts and time with their children due to divorce. The ending of the way life looked, felt and even where life was located. Clients facing the gaping absence of a loved one due to their sudden departure due to illness or rejection. Time together, embraces, interweaving of life has come to an end.
In the “story” of therapy, the early chapters are filled with exploring what has changed, ended and is no more. The way life was, with its comfortable sameness and welcomed attachments has been wounded and often, nearing an end. Happiness has ended due to grief, love is lost due to agonizing heartbreak, trusting peace is eradicated as conflicts puncture daily routines. Clients arrive in therapy as something has, or must, come to an end.
As therapy progresses, emerging chapters are filled with visiting stages of grief, dusting off or testing out coping strategies and building muscles of adapting to change. As the queasiness of the rollercoaster of change subsides, the reality of a new chapter begins to take shape, there are fewer pages remaining of what is coming to an end and a beginning is coming into view entitled, “What Now?”
In order to envision a beginning, it is necessary to accept an ending. Each of the stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Despair, Acceptance) can feel like devouring tarpits where our hearts can sink and get stuck in what is “no more.”
When we break a leg, sprain an ankle or get a knee replacement we don’t expect to be running a marathon in the next few weeks. We methodically, and hopefully successfully, pace our recovery with stretching, positive mindfulness, guided physical therapy and incremental, realistic goal attainment. In other words, we literally give ourselves TIME to heal. When our hearts break or get strained and sprained and we are faced with an end, we need to allow time to transition to the beginning of what is next.
Personal note: Sometimes endings and beginnings are complicated. I recently had the duality of “I want this to end” collide with “I don’t want this to ever end!” During the recent Billy Joel concert, the continued slicing rain and chilly winds kept time with the Piano Man’s stream of talent. I was miserably soaked and wishing the April showers would be extinguished all the while chanting for one more encore!