25Nov

Giving Thanks

Giving Thanks

So much has been given to me; I have no time to
ponder over that which has been denied.
—Helen Keller

The pandemic has denied us many “ings.” Socializing, hugging, partying, traveling, playing, shaking hands, smiling at one another (due to masks), riding roller coasters, mingling, joining in the workplace, studying on campus, greeting one another in church pews and synagogues, singing in concert halls, cheering at Petco Park—the list goes on. Yes, there are many “ings” absent in our day-to-day lives yet there are a few that are impervious to Covid-19: giving, thanking, loving.

Giving to those in need—consider making a donation to a community organization. Thanking others is a “social distanced” verbal hug. Reach out to someone (or many) and share your appreciation with a phone call. Whether spending Thanksgiving with a few friends or enjoying a much smaller than usual family gathering, perhaps the quote from Helen Keller could be a conversation starter around the table or on a Zoom gathering? Focus on what we have been given during our lifetime, not what has been denied during this challenging year.

“What has been given to you?” 

Breath ~ Life ~ Friendship ~ Dreams ~ Curiosity ~ Mind ~ Vision ~ Health ~ Opportunity ~ Time ~ Creativity ~ Language ~ Faith ~ Hope ~ LOVE

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.
—Khalil Gibran

It is my sincere hope you will “gobble up” and “digest” (couldn’t resist the puns 😊) all that you have been given and turn your focus to gratitude for another day of giving and receiving love. Wishing you a cornucopia filled with health and gratitude this Thanksgiving.

Enjoy this song by Jason Mraz, beautifully capturing “another day of loving.”

P.S. Couldn’t resist sharing this photo from the 2009 archives as my son and I were lucky to have a “Meet and Greet” following Jason’s concert at Coors Amphitheater.

Jason Mraz

02Nov

Ca suffit, reste tranquille

Ca suffit, reste tranquille

During my college summers, I worked as an au pair (nanny) in France. I adored the history, pastries, boutiques, villages, lush countryside, bustle of the Champs-Elysees, Le Metro underground transport and Bateau Mouche rides on the Seine. Yet most of all, I loved, and was mesmerized by, the language.

My adorable charges often spoke, ran and bicycled at speeds I struggled to match, yet one saying I used frequently was … “Ca suffit, reste tranquille.”  Literally translated it is, “That’s enough, stay calm.” It always flowed more as a caution than a reprimand, an invitation not a dictate. When our fears, future anxieties and distress speed up, it may be an opportunity to tell ourselves just this.

As we begin this week, many may be experiencing tensions regarding possible election results. I encourage you to take a moment and close your eyes, inhaling a full, glorious breath and say to yourself (in whatever language you prefer), “That’s enough. Stay calm.”

Music has always reminded me of the heart and soul of our humanity and never fails to bring me joy and optimism. I sincerely hope these selections will do the same for you. Ca suffit, reste tranquille.

 

15Jun

Post “Shelter in Place”—Take Baby Steps When Returning to Life

Post “Shelter in Place”—Take Baby Steps When Returning to Life

Since March, we heeded the red lights; sheltering, distancing and halting our day to day lives in the hopes of keeping the Covid-19 enemy’s toll reduced and at bay. We have arrived at mid-June, and the lights are turning green! In the 1991 film, “What About Bob?” the concept of “baby steps” was comically captured as Bill Murray’s character, Bob, conquered his fears by taking baby steps to overcome a mountain of anxieties. With each challenge, he coaxed himself to make progress. “Baby steps to the elevator. Baby steps to the bus stop!” Here is a fun clip to remind you of this hilarious film and if you have never seen it, perhaps put in on your “to watch” list!

It is natural to have a bit of “Bob” in us as we adjust to post “shelter in place” living. Leaving the house, returning to a workplace, entering a retail store, volunteering, having an in-person therapy appointment or meeting up with a few friends may now be evoking a plethora of nervous anticipation. Assessing risk is a significant component of balanced decision making. For example, you have an important appointment and as you drive, the “low fuel” light is blinking on the dashboard of the car. If you stop for gas, what is the risk of being late for the meeting? If you continue in order to be on time what is the risk of ending up on the side of the road? We are constantly measuring the risk of a decision, or behavior, and its outcome value.

Possessing a mindfulness of health and safety risks is essential to self-care. Thoughtful consideration of “stepping out” goes hand in hand with emotional wellness. It is absolutely OK to say, “Today I will decide on a few baby steps I am willing to take.”

03Jun

Journey Home with Wisdom, Love, Bravery

Journey Home with Wisdom, Love, Bravery

The Wizard of Oz came to mind the other day and, at the risk of being too simplistic, I believe it to hold the ingredients for emotional healing.

I lived in Africa as a teenager. My father embraced an opportunity for our family to live abroad as well as advance his career in the communication industry. My world was turned upside down as we left our home in Southern California—no beach, friends or Friday night football games? What! I resisted initially and yet the magic of Africa is hard to deny, even as a 16-year-old!

I hold this chapter in my life as an unearthed diamond, a treasure discovered. It became a lens that forever changed my vision of the world. I witnessed the extraordinary magic of African art, music, food, landscapes, traditions, and a cherished people with a resounding depth of tribal legacy. I can smell the rich, red clay dirt roads and envision my favorite market vendor with reams of vibrant material. I also recall being one of a few white faces in this same marketplace and the calm I felt when greeted by curious smiles, conversation and warmth, as well as my stomach anxiously twitching when I heard a few chant “serpent blanc” (white snake) as I walked by. I was mesmerized by the strength, stoic leadership of women, wrapping their infants tight, while carrying baskets laden with food and supplies on their powerful, unfaltering heads. With local friends and guides, we learned about our new territory, gained wisdom, adapted, found our way and felt loved. My parents, sister and I made a home in Bangui, Central African Republic.

In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy was on a quest to return home. One man, “the wizard” was sought out to accomplish this mission. Her companions along the journey, Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion were seeking what they believed they lacked; a brain, a heart and courage. They found out, the solution was not with the wizard, it was within each of them to attain what was missing.

In the strife and violence we have witnessed during this past week, our journey to find “home” requires wisdom, love and bravery today. The horror of seeing George Floyd grasp, plead and then lose his last breath is a collective trauma for our nation and the world. The protection which law enforcement represents was severely violated by this evil, dominating act against a Black man. Courage, wisdom, listening, compassion, respect and love are not colors. Now is the time for each of us to look within, find the courage to challenge limiting beliefs, engage in thoughtful reflection, learn more and gain wisdom, share compassionate understanding and employ respect to actively express love for one another.

The iconic Diana Ross played the role of “Dorothy” in the 1978 film “The Wiz.” I encourage you to pause and click on her moving message in the song “Home” from the film.

Brother Iz, truly a gentle giant, sings “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Enjoy his melodic version of this timeless song.

27Apr

The Restorative Magic of Time

The Restorative Magic of Time

Sorrow by Abraham Lincoln
 
In this sad world of ours,
sorrow comes to all
and it often comes with bitter agony
perfect relief is not possible
except with time
you cannot now believe that
you will ever feel better
but this is not true
you are sure to be happy again
knowing this, truly believing it,
will make you less miserable now.

While in Kindergarten, my son was learning about “Honest Abe.” At after school pick up one day, following a memorable classroom discussion about our 16th President, he posed this question, “Mama, did you know Abraham Lincoln?” To which I replied, “Of course I know about President Lincoln.” My son became more adamant, “NO! Did you ever meet him?” Hah!

While coming across this poem by my friend, Abe 😊, I smiled at the contrast of the title of the poem with this humorous memory. In so doing, I instinctively practiced what I believe his words were intending. Recognizing a difficult time in our lives, where there is no perfect relief needs to be paired with a future day when happiness and comfort prevail.

With this worldwide health crisis, there is no perfect relief to what we are facing. Even with masks, social distancing, stunningly dedicated and talented healthcare workers, scientists working tirelessly, this virus is permeating our life and for many, the sorrow is agonizing and what relief awaits is not immediate. In the words of this poem, “You are sure to be happy again…” is offered up as a promise packaged in time.

Try this: Recall an event when you ached from an emotional hurt or felt challenged by an unwanted change and questioned when you would feel happy again. In time, smiles and joy did find you—not perfect relief, but weeks and months carried you to less distress and reconstructed happiness. As this week begins, focus on the restorative magic of time and savor the transformation from loss to replenished and from fear to hope. This, in the words of ol’ Abe, may make you less miserable now.

03Apr

Patience and Wisdom in Challenging Times

Patience is the companion of wisdom.
—Augustine of Hippo, 354-430 AD

The human experience is truly timeless, even more so as I came across this quote and marveled at the author’s year of birth—354 AD. Hmmmm, I have a hard time counting backwards from 100 😊, imagine the year 354 AD? Profound truths are eternal and this qualifies when we consider the health crisis we face today.

The joining of patience and wisdom, companions in dealing with challenging circumstances, is a vital partnership. How did they meet and dare I say, even become friends? Maybe it went something like this…

Wisdom:  “Hello, may I ask your name?”

Patience: “My name is Patience, it is best pronounced very slowly. And yours?”

Wisdom:  “I am Wisdom, but you can call me Wise. What is your purpose during strife and difficulties?”

Patience: “I am able to tolerate challenges calmly and without complaint. I am steadfastly determined to bear adversity, find ways to trust and have faith in overcoming hardships. What makes you Wise?”

Wisdom:  “I accumulate knowledge, scientifically and philosophically. I seek balance, reflection, perspective, reason and conscientious solutions.”

They stood for a long, thoughtful moment, and then gave slow, knowing nods to one another.

Wisdom:  “Patience, you offer deep breaths, soothing assurance and acceptance of what is. You are what I need.”

Patience: “Wisdom, you allow for exploration of answers and options for possibilities. You are what I need.”

Wisdom:  “After careful consideration, I would be honored to have you as my companion, will you join me?”

Patience: “I would be happy to, I have all the time in the world.”

 

25Mar

Covid-19 Pandemic: A Time to Pause and Discover

Stop leaving
And you will arrive.
Stop searching
And you will see.
Stop running away and
You will be found.
—Anonymous

Just as lettered plastic ping pong balls tumble in a spinning Bingo cage, a million words are bouncing in my head, waiting to be called out. I have been hungry for words during the past week—scientific words to explain, brave words to ease fear, tender words to bring comfort, lighthearted words to bolster a heavy mood. My guess is this quote did not originate in response to a pandemic! Yet, it spoke to me, as I hope it does for you.

Stop leaving. We have been stopped from leaving, coming, going, mingling, dining out, embracing, and on and on. We have arrived where we live, looking into the hours, days and weeks of being on our own or side by side with family members. This arrival beckons projects, games, creativity, meals, work, movies, conversations and decisions on how best to fill this time with meaning, connection and endurance.

Stop searching. Often a search for our value and belonging is woven within our vocations, recreation, socializing, and busyness. Now without these external means of fulfillment, we are forced to stop and see our lives up close. This standstill vision can be an opportunity to focus on ignored or untended areas of your home, self and relationships.

Stop running away. So much of our hectic pace, schedules and running, keep us on a rapidly paced conveyor belt of life. Often the “have to do’s” propel us to run away from our hearts’ desire, dreams and yes, true self. Which begs the question? How will you be found? What will you discover, uncover, foster, acknowledge and bravely examine in this paused and still place?

Dig deep to sustain patience, find creative avenues and confidence to face each chapter of this challenge.

29Jun

Balance Life, Observe Gratitude

We will be more successful in all our endeavors if we can let go of the habit of running all the time, and take little pauses to relax and re-center ourselves. And we’ll also have a lot more joy in living.  Thich Nhat Hanh

I grew up listening to Fleetwood Mac, Genesis, Journey, Bob Seger and a variety of other iconic 70’s and 80’s artists.  Jackson Browne was a favorite, and one song in particular resonates with Thich Nhat Hanh’s quote, it went something like this “Running on – running on empty. Running on – running blind, running on – running into the sun, but I’m running behind.”

While driving to the office, I spotted a truck coming to a stop at a left turn light.  I noticed the brake light on the driver’s side was not working.  Pulling around to the driver’s left side as the light was red, I rolled my passenger window down and waved.  The driver took no notice, as he was talking on his cell phone.  The light changed and as we drove away I sighed at the irony.  Here I was trying to alert him that he could get ticketed for no brake light, and there he was on his phone, which last I checked, is a moving violation.

As parents we tell our children to “eat slowly”, “take your time on your homework” and “brush your teeth longer than 5 seconds!”  We emphasize slowing down, and yet what do we model for them?  “Hurry up! We are going to be late!”  The conflict between getting things done and slowing down can be aggravating and perplexing.

How we run and run, from text to call, to chores, to work, to kids practices and household demands, to friends and events, we run.  And yet, as we run, are we really awake? Are we experiencing joy, breathing, contentment, gratitude?  As we enter this week of Thanksgiving, I invite you to take this challenge…pause.

When you get in the car, take 5.  No, not minutes, but deep breaths before you turn the motor on.  Five deep breaths, eyes closed, to re-center yourself.  When you begin to drive, perhaps no radio or news?  Drive in silence, taking in he color of the sky, the homes and buildings where others lives unfold as you cruise by.

While entering your next location, back home, the office, grocery store, post office, take a moment to make eye contact with someone, smile, make a nice comment and notice.  That’s it, a little pause to connect with another human, who most likely is running too.

Is there a place you can call “sanctuary” in the house?  Sanctuary is a word I love.  Its meaning is related to worship, yet also means a place of repose, protection and reflection.  Select a small corner in your bedroom, or a room not being used, even a deck chair out on the patio and make it “your pause place.” Adding a candle, a beloved photo, a vase with fresh flowers, a new throw blanket or pillow can all accentuate this as your “time out” place, not for being naughty, quite the opposite.  For being very good to yourself!

Reading can bring a welcomed pause, most of us have a book we thought would be a fun, useful or inspiring read which has gathered dust.  Take it out and keep it close by,

In the words of Willie Nelson, “When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”  Well, what about today if you say “When I started taking little pauses, my whole attitude turned around.”

This is your cause, to pause.  Breathe, notice, smile, connect, read, be grateful and repeat.  I am pausing now, as I consider my support work with each of you.   I am very grateful for your trust, willingness, courage, perseverance, and hope to find resolve and satisfaction in your very precious lives.

 

 

18Jun

The beauty of your story

I find absolute calm when I step on the beach and walk to the water’s edge.  I did just that late yesterday afternoon and marveled at nature’s transformation.  No longer were the waves filled with laughing children, boogie boards or beach towels colorfully scattered on the sand.  The air was crisp, the marine drape masked the sun and a few random folks were enjoying an autumn stroll.

I gingerly picked up this pristine shell, no holes or wrinkles, smooth and unbroken.  Laying right next to it, I scooped up this fossil like rock, textured and weathered.  I carried one in each hand and pondered what story each could share? What had each experienced during their seasons at sea?

With its eroded tunnels and sea life imprints, the rock gave me pause for imagining all sorts of grand tales.  Was it a fragment from a dwelling in the lost city of Atlantis? Or perhaps had spent thousands of years sharing salty terrain with a family of sea turtles off the North Shore of Oahu?

The shell seemed to not have been penetrated by time, risky geography or nautical battlefields. Bits had not been severed and its simple beauty reminded me of a charmed, maybe even protected life.

Aren’t we much like these treasures from the sea?  So often we put the effort into the appearance of the shell; perfect, in tact, unaffected by the rough seas of our lives.  When in fact, we are the rock.  We have holes in our hearts, we have imprints on our souls.  Yet, what if beauty was measured in the intricacy and strength of the rock? What if self worth, your value, came from not perfecting your shell but instead, treasuring your true self, your story with all of its erosions and blemishes?

10Jun

Be the Brave…

What exactly does being brave mean?  As you know, I LOVE to play with words, and the word RAVE exists within the word “brave.”  Well, that got me thinking.  We need to rave about when we are brave.  Doing what we think we cannot do and then DOING it, well that is something to holler from the rooftops and proclaim to the world, “I am BRAVE!”

Exploring being brave means we face what we fear.  I romantically imagine my Irish ancestors as being fearless.  Living through the 16th and 17th centuries, the famine and battles for power and land.  In Irish Gaelic speak, what do you think “nios fearr” means?  Like myself, you probably went to “no fear.”  The Irish are wise, “nios fearr” doesn’t mean “no fear” it is translated as “better off.”  I bet it came from the old Celtic warriors, who took a final swig of their ale and said “Me lads and lassies, we’re better off dead than sitting here like scared ducks.”  And away they went to conquer more hillsides and moors.

The core of most therapeutic work comes down to facing our feelings of being less than capable of doing something.  In other words, being able to be brave enough to take a leap into what we assume we cannot do.  Many women admit they fear being alone, not being loved, being rejected or abandoned and fear not being good enough.  Navigating our way through the rough seas of fear can be terrifying.  Yet, it is not about the absence of feeling fear, it is determining that you will be better off if you do what is best, what is right and true, for you.

Sail away Pirate Sister, and go ahead, RAVE about being BRAVE!

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