Beautiful Life

06Apr

Julie LyleBeautiful Life, Diet, Gratitude, Health, Life Challenges, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

Transformation Part 1: Stop, Stand and Start

Last September, I knew an aspect of my life needed to come to an end. Looking back, it was more about stopping certain behaviors and habits more than starting something new. I had reached the finish line of being uncomfortable in my own skin.

In 5th grade, I towered over classmates and had an inspirational teacher who always encouraged me to “walk proud, shoulders back” as I would slouch to be compatible with my shorter pals. Fortunately, due to genes, I always fit in my counterpart “jeans” pretty well, until I didn’t. Throughout my 40’s, I held steady, fluctuating a bit here and there, with affirmations from friends who would say, “You are so tall, if you lose or gain weight, I really can’t tell, you always look the same.”

Traveling quite a few decades from my 11 year old 5’4 self to last September and well, I most certainly did not look the same. Grief over my mum’s passing, my son launching off to college, hormonal aging, potato chips, Covid, more ice cream and less movement had weighed heavy on me…literally.

A stanza from an early 1900’s poem by Berton Braley entitled Start Where You Stand came to mind in considering this idea of personal transformation:

“Start where you stand and never mind the past,
the past won’t help you on beginning new,
if you have left it all behind at last.
Why, that’s enough, you’re done with it, you’re through.”

The first word of this title really says it all. Start. Wherever you stand, is where you must start. Not in the past, where old footprints and memories remain. We cannot change our life experiences, our story up until today. It has been written, inked, the legacy has traveled through time. No, we cannot go back and start from a former reality. Where we are is where we start.

Nor can we start in the future, for the “what if’s” are merely a vague sketching of what could be. If we only aim toward tomorrow, we risk missing vital aspects of where we stand and what we feel in the moment.

My body had been polite, slightly nudging me out of one size of jeans to the next. Then my eyes would spot a photo and I’d delete. My body started to ache, hurting at my rejection of paying attention. When I received blood test results, I had to stop, stand, be very still and start to listen.

It was time to grieve the ending of my complacency, avoidance and magical thinking. It was time to start caring for myself differently.

End Part 1 – Stay tuned for Part 2

30Dec

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Life Challenges, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

2023: Manifest Your Dreams—You are Capable!

We spend January 1st walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential.
—Ellen Goodman

There used to be a stationary store in town which was far too “old school” to have a surveillance camera. Yet if it had, the footage would have documented my annual visit in early December. That’s right, once a year I used to visit this shop to make a solitary purchase; my appointment calendar.

The shop closed, I tracked down my favorite calendar brand (Quo Vadis & Exacompta) and now order online. Today, as I open the delivered package, I find myself tenderly admiring the pristine, fresh pages awaiting the plethora of plans, client schedules, expected and TBA events for a new year. Often I am asked if I keep a Google calendar to which I reply “I am pleasantly ‘old school’ when it comes to pencil and paper scheduling.” I love the tactile satisfaction of my calendar companion accompanying me as we journey another year together.

On this last day of 2022, I place the “old” and “new” planning diaries side by side. One is clearly worn, even a bit scrappy with a wrinkled cover and weathered pages with hundreds of scribbles, names, notations, earmarked corners and plenty of experiences documented in shorthand to commemorate 365 days of work, play, chores, joys and challenges.

The other shines smoothly with its unblemished cover, crisp white pages comprising an eager canvas awaiting the colors, landscapes, characters and story of the next 365 days. One book holds the tale of life lived, the other holds POTENTIAL.

This opening quotation is a meaningful metaphor for counseling. So often, the focus on psychotherapy is on those “flawed” life situations; betrayal of trust in a marriage, financial distress, our less than perfect bodies and challenges in overcoming often heartbreaking disappointments and scars from childhood experiences.

In taking a peek at the definition of the word “potential” here is its extrapolation: Capable of development into actuality. WOW, what a fantastic New Year’s motto, “I am capable of developing my dream, plan, attitude and ideas into actuality!” This fresh, blank calendar book is anticipating stunning, spectacular potential to fill each page of your life, with capabilities of turning possibilities into actualities.

I am in awe of how the human spirit is CAPABLE of dealing with the “flaws” of life. Hope in the midst of adversity, healing after heartbreak and insight from loss. So many of my clients find the path to restoring confidence and contentment is through identifying their POTENTIAL; the ability to apply courage, determination and inspiration to develop their greatest self.

As you embark on each page of this New Year, find room for your capabilities, strengths and wisdom to manifest your desires and dreams. Make this a year of diminished flaw seeking and monumental potential building!

21Nov

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Gratitude, Life Challenges, Uncategorized

A Thanksgiving Recipe for Gratitude and Contentment

We will be more successful in all our endeavors if we can let go of the habit of running all the time, and take little pauses to relax and re-center ourselves. And we’ll also have a lot more joy in living.
—Thich Nhat Hanh

I grew up listening to Elton John, Fleetwood Mac, Genesis, Journey, Bob Seger and a variety of other iconic 70’s artists. Jackson Browne was a favorite, and one song in particular resonates with Thich Nhat Hanh’s quote. It went something like this, “Running on – running on empty. Running on – running blind, running on – running into the sun, but I’m running behind.”

Here is your Thanksgiving challenge: stop running. Pause. Experience joy, breathe in contentment and exhale gratitude.

As parents we tell our children to “eat slowly,” “take your time on your homework,” and “brush your teeth longer than 5 seconds!” We emphasize slowing down and yet what do we model for them? “Hurry up! We are going to be late!” The conflict between getting things done and slowing down can be an aggravating catch 22.

How we run, and often tumble, from texting to calls to chores to work to kids’ practices to household demands to friends and events; whew, exhausted, we keep running. Can we really live fully when we are hastily shifting from one moment to the next?

Here are a few ingredients for your Thanksgiving recipe:

Take 5 in the car: No, not minutes or the 5 freeway. Deep, flourishing breaths before you turn the motor on. Five deep breaths, eyes closed, to slow down, focus on a solid center. When you begin to drive, perhaps no podcast, radio or news, instead drive in silence, taking in the color of the sky, the passing dwellings where a potpourri of lives are blending as you cruise by.

Make contact: While doing chores at a grocery store, post office or gas station, take a moment to make eye contact with someone. Smile, make a nice comment, and notice. That’s it, a little pause to connect with another human, who most likely is running too.

Sanctuary now: Is there a place you can call “sanctuary” in the house? Sanctuary is a word I love. Its meaning is related to worship yet also means a place of repose, protection, and reflection. Select a small corner in your bedroom or a room not being used, even a deck chair out on the patio, and make it your sanctuary. Adding a candle, a beloved photo, a vase with fresh flowers, a throw blanket or pillow can all accentuate this as your “pause place,” not for being checked out, quite the opposite…for being considerate and remembering to check in with yourself.

Read: Most of us have a book we thought would be a fun, useful, or inspiring read which has gathered dust on a bedside table. Take it out and keep it close by and pause as you consume a few pages.

In the words of Willie Nelson, “When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” Well, what about today if you say, “When I started taking little pauses, my whole attitude turned around.”

This is your cause; pause. Breathe, notice, smile, connect, read, be grateful and repeat. Here’s wishing you a Thanksgiving cornucopia brimming with pleasing, grateful, restorative pauses!

21Sep

Julie LyleBeautiful Life, Gratitude, The Journey of Life

Queen Mum

We used to call my mum “Queen Mum” as she adored afternoon tea and scones, bagpipes, British mystery and comedy shows and of course, Queen Elizabeth II. With a lilting Scottish accent, my mum definitely fit her adopted anointed title with grace, tenderness, humor and a quiet respectful wisdom. Most days, I catch a deep breath, release a sigh and grasp a loving memory which floats into my thoughts as it is four years this very week since my mum passed from our world to the next.

My mum loved the Queen who was only seven years her senior as Elizabeth was born in 1925 to my mum’s 1932. Even though my mother’s family was crowded in a small, impoverished flat in Montreal, with seven children, relying on extended family to support a fatherless home, she held an adoring desire to emulate the young queen’s grace, faith and service to others. Sharing bath water on Saturday evenings for the weekly scrub and washing up, my mother would describe a bubbling excitement for the next morning when she would put on her freshly ironed handmade dress to attend church service, followed by a beloved uncle’s visit accompanied by sweet treats for his eager clan of nieces and nephews.

Being filled with loving acceptance, generosity of spirit, believing our human intention needs to embrace and be of service to others were guiding lights that helped guide my mother’s 85 years and I believe, made her a “sister in purpose” to the Queen.

Queen Elizabeth II departed this world just a few weeks ago, a life lived in quite opulent surroundings and circumstance with a global landscape, she embodied and was faithful to her aims and I believe, deeply honored her place on this planet.

September is a month of reflection and a refocusing on how to apply energy, talents and direction to what remains of the year. With the loss of Queen Elizabeth II, and remembering my mum, both now embedded in this calendar month, I am struck by the “call to purpose” their lives represent.

Emotional wellbeing is enhanced by giving, sharing smiles, helping, and embracing every sacred moment. Gratitude defeats despair and connection prevents loneliness.

September will soon conclude as we tumble into the thick of autumn. Consider how you will refocus, redefine or recommit being true to grace and service. Perhaps wave to a neighbor, smile as you cross paths with a stranger in a parking lot, volunteer to a community need, notice those around you and lend help where you can.

And remember, enjoy a “cuppa” tea every chance you get. Cheers 🙂

17Aug

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Covid-19, Gratitude, The Journey of Life

Choosing to ‘Come Around Again’

I know nothing stays the same
But if you’re willing to play the game
It’s coming around again
So don’t mind if I fall apart
There’s more room in a broken heart

—Carly Simon

Carly Simon’s song “Coming Around Again” captures the fading vibrancy of a romantic relationship. The lyrics embrace the demands of parenting and managing mundane tasks that chip away at the early days of heart fluttering newness. Its message is quite practical while inspirational: be patient, trusting, believe in love, steady on and what we once knew to be true, can come around again.

Since March 2020, we stumbled through unknown territory with worried anticipation; would what we used to experience ever come around again? Traveling abroad, attending a packed concert hall, meandering through masses of crowds exiting a ballgame, or jumping into an Uber without a mask? Would our joy, spontaneity, courage and willingness to explore come around again? Time is an elusive yet reliable companion. For many, time faded and became no more due to illness and death. Yet, for those of us fortunate to be here to answer the call today, we now greet what was a far distant wished-for tomorrow during these Covid years.

My son and I traveled to Ireland and the UK in June and I returned with an abundance of jet-lag and fulfillment. Awakening each day in Dublin followed by Cornwall, I found myself buzzing with anticipation and emboldened by crisp winds and strong English breakfast tea. Oh how I had missed the joy of discovering uncharted streets, familiarizing myself with new territory, being a contemporary guest on ancestral soil, eager to be seen as a brave newcomer answering the invitation of the faraway wind, Neolithic stones, Gaelic tunes, and the rugged Irish Sea.

I was a child, eager to open every birthday package simultaneously, each gift more spectacularly perfect than the next. Landscapes deeply rooted with centuries of tales, accents thick in Guinness and an abundance of fish and chips, penetrating folklore melodies of poignant longing and seagulls squawking as if to say “Welcome back! Glad you came around again!”

Make room in your heart, dive into the curiosity pool, wake up to your dreams, venture and dabble in curiosity, share smiles with fellow voyagers and cheers to each of us coming around again.

13May

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Covid-19, Gratitude, Health, Life Challenges, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

Build the nest, for the bird of hope needs a place to rest.

Build the nest, for the bird of hope needs a place to rest.

Many arriving on the therapeutic couch are weary travelers, stretched to capacity and fatigued having marched across a risky, unknown terrain for over two years. The pandemic, workplace demands from home, challenged by new dimension of effective parenting, rising costs of supplies and since February, a harrowing war in Ukraine; violence and abject suffering within each click of an iPhone. Mt. Peace and Mt. Harmony are distant summits, barely visible, climbing elevations seemingly, hopelessly out of reach.

What happens when we lose our grasp of hope’s existence? Shaking our heads and wringing our hearts, is the concept of “losing” hope synonymous with denying hope? When we deny that hope exists, our thoughts become an internal “Whack a Mole” game. With every glimmering pop of hope, we grab our hammer of despair and whack it down.

Hope: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

Denial: the action of declaring something to be untrue.

Perhaps “Hope” thrives when we become more paced, patient with our expectations. Scale back from the quest to reach the peak of global Kumbaya (albeit a righteous aim), try on more “Hope” and wear it for awhile.

With that, an Emily Dickinson poem archived in one of my college literature brain cells, landed in my cerebral inbox.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers
By Emily Dickinson

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –

And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –

I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.

Dare I be as bold as to challenge Emily, yet I believe “Hope” IS asking something of us. The bird of hope needs to be greeted with a warm, welcoming nest, to find shelter within our hearts, our minds, our souls. “Hope” needs to be fed by our belief in healing, wisdom, learning and striving to be courageous. “Hope” needs to be quenched with the belief we can be kinder, truer and better.

“Hope” exists when it has a nest in you.

19Dec

Julie LyleBeautiful Life, Gratitude, Life Challenges, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

Rituals of Reassurance

To many people, holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.
Philip Andrew Adams

The other day I found myself singing along to God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen…”O tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy. O, tidings of comfort and joy.”

This opening quote may hold the key as it speaks to the holidays as NOT being a time of newness, but rather a time to practice those rituals which bring us reassurance. And isn’t being reassured a path to comfort? And if we are comforted, might we be closer to feeling joy?

With flurries of hurried people pouring out of every store corner and lining up freeway onramps, or when someone heists the parking spot you had set sights on as you are running late for a holiday gathering topped with a dose of prolonged pandemic worry, well it is easy to feel more stress and frustration rather than comfort and joy!

Many clients lament change. Lots of changes are hoisted on our emotions without our permission, which makes resistance a natural response. Rituals are the opposite of change. They are repeated events, activities and symbolic routines and during this holiday season, they come alive. Finding the frayed and grease stained cookie recipe your grandmother used for sugar cookies, lighting candles and singing “Silent Night” while leaving midnight mass, waiting for the adult “kids” to come home and complete tree decorating, making hot cocoa and late night driving around local neighborhoods to see houses dancing with lights, or reading “Twas the Night Before Christmas” when everyone is in their new pajamas. It is true, comfort greets us when we experience the soothing “ahh” in the predictability of our traditions.

Opening up the dancing hippo ornament you received from a childhood friend brings a chuckle, or the cardboard snowman with your then kindergartener’s beaming face brings a return smile from you, it can also trigger melancholy, as many of the memories we hold dear are associated with the past. We are challenged to go beyond the “what was” and absorb the comfort these loving artifacts represent. Even if your sweet baby boy is now a baritone, deodorant wielding “dude”, or your precious princess is now a moody, mascara wearing teen, as the parent you may question if you should continue to carry the torch for rituals. If you did not put out the traditional colorful ribbon sweets, believe it or not, your offspring WILL look up from their cell phone long enough to ask “Hey, where are those swirly candy things?” Rituals bring reassurance, comfort and yes, joy.

During the last nearly two years, grief and limitations have shadowed much of the joy in our lives and brought unwanted changes. But guess what? Rituals can be your timeless superpower, impervious to Covid. The ultimate antibody to ward off loss are the traditions stored within our hearts and memories. Open them up, dust them off and embrace their COMFORT and JOY during this cherished season!

23Nov

Julie LyleBeautiful Life, Gratitude, The Journey of Life

6 Ways to Make Thanksgiving Extra Special

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.
Thornton Wilder

At this Thanksgiving, there are so many pieces of the giving pie to sample! Here are just a few ideas to bake up and top with plenty of gratitude to make for a delightful and heartwarming Thanksgiving!

On the day before Thanksgiving, consider making surprise gratitude calls. As you run around doing last minute chores, baking or traveling, select friends and family members and call them…no texts! What a lovely treat to leave a voicemail or speak directly to another for the express purpose of telling them how special they are, and your well wishes for them. The act of living in “gratitude” can improve your overall mood and happiness.
Thanksgiving brings favorite recipes to life, with plenty of full stomachs and promises to not eat again for a week. If you are making an extra special dish, consider printing up the recipe and bringing it to the gathering. The gift that keeps giving are happy taste buds long after we leave the Thanksgiving feast.
Prepare three (3) note cards with the words “Person” “Place” and “Thing.” Place them face down the center of the table. Each guest is invited to take a turn by selecting one of the three cards. Depending on which card they pick, they will describe the person, place or thing they are grateful for.
Get moving! After a lovely meal, and before dessert arrives on the table, rally everyone to go for a walk in the neighborhood. This allows for digestion, chatting, laughter and fresh air before returning for round 2!
Invite everyone at the table to share a memory from a prior Thanksgiving, especially if there are grandparents assembled. Directly asking for them to share can reveal hidden treasures and honor their history and experience.
Consider the “Collage” entertainment experience can be fun and memorable. Ask your guests to come prepared to share a favorite inspirational verse, poem, short story or musical selection. This brings an added dimension to the festivities and makes for a shared experience of laughter, thoughtful reflection and memory making.

Wishing you a Thanksgiving filled with treasures and blessings!

30Jun

Julie LyleBeautiful Life, Life Challenges, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

Free to Be True

During a session with a client the other day, she was marveling at the difference a year can make. Brimming with an optimism and a refreshing excitement about her future, she proclaimed, “I am so free.”

Are you free? Or, do you feel trapped in a prison of your own creation? For many of us, we are doing time in State Avoid. We have become “used to” our cell even though we experience excruciating anxiety, doubt, anger and fear. When in a state of avoidance, we lock ourselves out from spontaneity and life experiences. We feel stuck, shut down and powerless. We crouch childlike, hoping no one finds out our “secret”…that we are in a lonely marriage, have out of control kids, drink too much alcohol or live with a loved one who does, feel ashamed about our past, worry incessantly about a weight or health issue, or that we just don’t believe ourselves worthy of a satisfying life.

This is a “shout out” to those committed to breaking free from old burdens or defeating beliefs. Take a moment to consider how you have been breaking out from habits of avoidance through your courageous dedication to personal discovery. Consider how tough it can be to chip away at some of those “emotional life sentences” assigned to us from our past that we now must dedicate heart and soul to overturn.

To tackle what we thought was impossible…to speak about an issue with a family member, to live alone following a long-term relationship, to change jobs, set boundaries and advocate for our own worth…well, that is setting ourselves free.

There is no better season than summer to deeply experience freedom. Thoughts, ideas and inspirations take root during these weeks of lemonade, chlorine, watermelon and giggles. The sun, sand and smooth skies stretch out all around us, serving up plenty of time to digest your achievements and perseverance and dreamingly reflect on your next steps.

23Apr

Julie LyleBeautiful Life, Covid-19, Personal Growth

The 3 “R’s” of SpRRRing!

Spring has sprung! The air is sun-baked crisp, flowers with popping colors abound and many of us have had “shots” in the arm as vaccines are also blooming everywhere. As a healthcare worker, I received both rounds of Moderna and found myself standing on the edge of a pool of possibilities. Should I fly somewhere? Dine in a restaurant? Welcome clients back to in person private practice? Hug a friend? As we re-enter life from pandemic panic to pandemic pragmatism, it is wise to enlist your own version of “know thy self.” As I gazed at this expanse of options, there were many resounding “R” words…renewal, reward, rejoice. Yet, there were three “R’s” which surfaced and began to float hope…Remember, Resume and Reclaim.

Remember

After over a year of remaining at or very close to home, it is natural to view returning to travel, workplace, social events, shopping and crowds with skepticism as the pandemic transformed most aspects of life into risky territories. How will you re-establish comfort and trust in a particular activity or setting? How will you remember who you used to be?

In the heat of summer and eager to cool off at a pool or the beach, are you inclined to tumble head over heels and immerse your entire body in chlorinated or salty water? Or would you rather slowly ease in and sample the temperature an inch and a toe at a time? We each have our own style of facing the unknown and strangely, that is what life may resemble as each of us face this “re-entry” process. Honest ownership of knowing your unique level of comfort, pace and listening to your instincts will be essential.

The treasure of time passing is to remember all you have learned about yourself, trusted resources and loyal friends during the pandemic. Once you are vaccinated, perhaps having a more detailed conversation with your family physician to gather “re-entry” suggestions will be useful. Inquiring and sharing strategies with friends as to how they are embarking on life again would be a fruitful conversation. The key is to remember you are very capable of re-entering and resuming your life, just as you proved capable to living with Covid.

Resume

Websters defines “to resume” as the act of returning to and beginning something again after an interruption. To pick something up again: to go back to using or doing (something, such as a way of behaving).

The Covid-19 storm interrupted and disrupted all our lives. What path would you like to discover and journey on now? What have you missed? What is calling to be picked up again? Now is the time to reflect on what you set aside during Covid and make a plan to “picking” it back up again, according to your comfort level. Tennis? Volunteering? Dance lessons?

There are many paths appearing open to exploration, either a familiar path or perhaps a brand new one filled with curiosity and renewed readiness to embark, learn and experience aspects of life sorely missed.

Reclaim

What does it mean to “reclaim” one’s life? Webster’s defines it to rescue from an undesirable state: to restore to a previous natural state.

Will you be “reclaiming” your previous “natural state” of life prior to the pandemic? Or was the “undesirable state” the life you may have been living pre-Covid? Consider this: there now exists a choice to NOT resume undesirable stress, strain and frenetic movement which many of us had assimilated as “normal.” After a year of putting the brakes on and pulling over to a rest stop, how you merge back onto the highway of life is completely in your control. What will you reclaim that existed before Covid? What will you hold on to as a result of it?

The choice is yours.

1 2

Transformation Part 1: Stop, Stand and Start

The 3 “R’s” of SpRRRing!

Remember

Resume

Reclaim

Posts navigation