Balance – drjuls

21Jan

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Mindfulness

Gazing upon the Horizon of this New Year – Reflect more, React Less

Reflection is a gift that doesn’t respond kindly to rushing. Take the whole month of January to reflect on (the last year) 2024 if you’d like. There’s no wrong. Enter gently and with care. You are not behind.
—Emily Freeman

The “to do” list for the holidays expands between Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukkah as a taut balloon we hope doesn’t pop before December 31st. When January 1st arrives, we let go of the string perhaps with mixed emotions; the twinkling of the holiday lights fade and the gifts of time spent with loved ones are now packaged as memories. The season floats away with a bit of melancholy frosted with relief and a filling of anticipation of what is next.

The “in between” days after Christmas and before January are encased in what I consider the “absorb-ignore zone.” Absorb the lingering scent of the Douglas fir, ignore the brittle pine needles falling like dusty confetti to the even dustier wood floor. Absorb the display of holiday greetings from smiling far away family and friends, ignore the envelopes carrying bills. Absorb the pleasure of the last shortbread cookie and the freedom to wear sweatpants, ignore the pile of limp mounds of green, red and glimpses of golf club swinging Santa and surfing reindeers on ugly Christmas sweaters needing a good wash and storage for next year…oops, this year!

Years ago, my wise neighbor gave me a suggestion for holiday cleaning preparation. Deposit stray bills, papers, envelopes and clutter in a large department store handled bag and stash it in a closet to be ignored until January. I did just that, as a Macy’s bag became an instant file cabinet and made countertop room for the charcuterie board assembly line before the holiday party. Come January 3rd, the bag, and its various unopened envelopes were now screaming “Hey, don’t ignore me!”

I attached the new calendar to my office wall and sensed this urgency with the dawn of what was now the 8th, no 10th, wait…it was already the 12th of January! I had SO much to clean, put away, catch up on. I was lagging in my self-imposed productivity, swirling in the overwhelm and anticipated fatigue, I stared at the wilting tree, dust bunnies multiplying and tired decorations asking to hibernate for the next eleven months.

As I was spinning the “Lazy Susan” of “to do” items around in my head I had created this mountain of “new year efficiency” and I was barely lacing up my hiking boots to reach the first summit. My sister witnessed my fevered laments and lovingly shared this opening quote.

I was filling these first thirty-one days of 2025 as a farmer anxiously herding chickens back into their coop! I was the racecar and each day was my track to win to speed around on…for what?

Perhaps, much like the Grinch recognized that Christmas didn’t come in packages and bows, the New Year doesn’t have to come in demanding “get to it” marching orders. Breathing deeply, reflecting on the last year to identify lessons from hundreds of moments and experiences, in essence, downshifting and gliding into this new space of this new year.

20Sep

Group of Canadian Geese flying with blue sky background

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

Belonging

Growth is painful. Change is painful. But, nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you do not belong.
—N. R. Narayana Murthy

In the Shrek movie, the character Donkey bounces on all four hooves and pleads, “Pick me, pick me!” Shrek knocks his palm to his forehead and sighs, “OK, fine!” and begrudgingly welcomes Donkey as his sidekick, to later realize they were always meant to be; they belonged together.

Perhaps it is the onset of September, the slide into fall and its inevitable calendar page turning of the seasons spotlighting everything from picking apples, pumpkins, costumes, sweaters and eventually Christmas trees! This brings into focus what choices we are making in our lives, where we belong and how to make sure we are selecting people, places and situations which enhance our lives.

Belonging shapes our legacy infused with decisions we make about loving, choosing and belonging. The origins of belonging go as far back as our birth and how we belonged in a family, home, school, neighborhood and community.

Belonging encompasses the simplest of human contact, such as glancing at a stranger and sharing mutual smiles, to being recognized by another such as “Didn’t we meet at the parent meeting last week?” Belonging deepens to friendships, being included and remembered, acknowledged for our deeds and feeling supported and helped if you have a need.

When this need is neglected by others, and we experience the opposite of being “picked” emotions such as anger, hurt, betrayal and self-doubt take hold. Belonging, being “picked” and in turn exercising our freedom to choose our “picks,” become the cornerstones of constructing meaningful content comprised of the people, places and situations in our lives.

As we form social connections, from the playground, dorm and boardroom, not to mention the bedroom, we are constantly in tune with where we belong and why. For example, in the workplace, being repeatedly overlooked, ignored for one’s efforts and dedication can result in a frustrating loss of belonging leading to the challenging task of finding, and landing a new job. Friendships, as fueled by social media, can be potential landmines of belonging that can erupt and inflict pain with the absence of being included, liked or ignored. Religious, political and recreational hobbies can offer tremendous group membership and belonging fulfillment with shared views, interests and beliefs. Yet, these same groups can shift to very vulnerable spaces where differences of opinion, perspective, and practices may be met with rejection or intolerance creating threats to the permanence of harmonious belonging.

Finally, the ultimate risk to belonging is captured in Carly Simon’s song “You Belong to Me” where she agonizes about the threat of who belongs to who in a romantic attachment. Falling in love is a soulful, reciprocal experience of belonging to another. Couples take the mighty leap holding one another’s hands and hearts into the hopeful forever of maintaining healthy, steadfastly loyal and loving attention to belonging.

Belonging matures as we do, learning what meets our needs for inclusion, as well as how we can make others feel welcomed and have a place in our lives. Building strong, loving and respectful connections where one’s authentic self feels secure and accepted, well that is definitely worth picking.

10May

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Life Challenges, The Journey of Life

Endings and Beginnings

Perhaps that is where our choice lies—in determining how we will meet the inevitable end of things, and how we will greet each new beginning.
—Elana K. Arnold

May is a month of endings and beginnings. It is the “final” month of sliding from January into the year’s midway point. Not quite landing in June, we are at the tail end of springtime with vibrant yellows splashing on every freeway exit and carpets of green spread on hillsides. As nature spills barrels of blossoms across landscapes we anticipate that within the next month spring will come to an end and summer will begin.

During the past few months, there has most definitely been a resounding common thread from session to session; endings and beginnings. Clients who have deconstructed family homes, bank accounts and time with their children due to divorce. The ending of the way life looked, felt and even where life was located. Clients facing the gaping absence of a loved one due to their sudden departure due to illness or rejection. Time together, embraces, interweaving of life has come to an end.

In the “story” of therapy, the early chapters are filled with exploring what has changed, ended and is no more. The way life was, with its comfortable sameness and welcomed attachments has been wounded and often, nearing an end. Happiness has ended due to grief, love is lost due to agonizing heartbreak, trusting peace is eradicated as conflicts puncture daily routines. Clients arrive in therapy as something has, or must, come to an end.

As therapy progresses, emerging chapters are filled with visiting stages of grief, dusting off or testing out coping strategies and building muscles of adapting to change. As the queasiness of the rollercoaster of change subsides, the reality of a new chapter begins to take shape, there are fewer pages remaining of what is coming to an end and a beginning is coming into view entitled, “What Now?”

In order to envision a beginning, it is necessary to accept an ending. Each of the stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Despair, Acceptance) can feel like devouring tarpits where our hearts can sink and get stuck in what is “no more.”

When we break a leg, sprain an ankle or get a knee replacement we don’t expect to be running a marathon in the next few weeks. We methodically, and hopefully successfully, pace our recovery with stretching, positive mindfulness, guided physical therapy and incremental, realistic goal attainment. In other words, we literally give ourselves TIME to heal. When our hearts break or get strained and sprained and we are faced with an end, we need to allow time to transition to the beginning of what is next.

Personal note: Sometimes endings and beginnings are complicated. I recently had the duality of “I want this to end” collide with “I don’t want this to ever end!” During the recent Billy Joel concert, the continued slicing rain and chilly winds kept time with the Piano Man’s stream of talent. I was miserably soaked and wishing the April showers would be extinguished all the while chanting for one more encore!

04Sep

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

Bravely Discover Your Treasured Self

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.
― Henry David Thoreau

I love to frolic in lush wordscapes such as this quote, especially when the author skillfully calls out a human flaw. Ignoring where you are and seeking another distant shore is what Thoreau calls foolish. Getting mired in the lament of “the grass is greener” shifts our gaze to look beyond where we stand, neglecting to water and tend to our own land, life and loves. What a fitting quote to memorialize Jimmy Buffett who passed away on September 1st , the weekend of bidding farewell to what I am guessing was his most cherished season, summer.

His music captures the eternal tropical island, a testimony to live in the moment, pause with toes in the sand, savor the beauty of a sunset and yes, perhaps sip on a salty margarita and imagine you are a pirate!

Navigating our moods, steadying our emotions, digging for meaningful understanding to finally dock in a safe harbor is the metaphorical language of therapy. During counseling we voyage out to stormy seas from agonizing anxiety due to a troubling workplace, betrayal by a loved one, changing tides of family as children become adults, managing care of aging parents, digesting anger or grief, battling loneliness and frustrated by the shallowness of today’s dating culture.

We repair our sails, replenish supplies of hopeful confidence and chart our next direction to fulfillment. Hmmm, maybe we all have a bit of a pirate in us seeking treasure and value, significance and meaning. Being in therapy is much like being a Pirate (hence, Pirate Sisters). Isn’t it time to plunder your doubts? Dig deep for meaning and launch yourself on every wave?

As mortality plucks away those iconic characters who have woven meaning into our lives, I find comfort as I imagine Jimmy Buffett adjusting his sails, warmed by balmy breezes, enjoying a cheeseburger in heavenly paradise where it is 5 o’clock all the time and pirates abound singing “Son of a Son of a Sailor.”

Go and launch yourself on every wave of every minute, devour what simply is. There is no other life but the one you are in right this very moment.

21Aug

Julie LyleBalance, Gratitude, Health, Life Challenges, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

Facing Up to It

“Did you lose consciousness?” asked the ER nurse taking my blood pressure. “No, but I kind of wish I had!” was my bruised blend of sarcasm and agony.

Two hours earlier: I was relocating river rocks from one side of the backyard to the other. I started off cautiously, shoveling a few rocks into two large plastic painter buckets. Then powerlifting a bucket in each hand, I shuffled to the other side of the yard and deposited the rocks to their new location. I was a slow motion, sweaty old milk maid.

Our wheel barrel, seemingly from the 1800’s, had a flat front tire. I couldn’t help thinking we must have another garden variety wagon to transport the rock filled buckets. I searched and located a dusty low lying five wheeled circular flat dolly and I was in business. Setting the bucket on the roller’s round surface, just inches from the ground, I filled it to great excess, able to increase the quantity tenfold! I shuttled my payload to and fro, pleased with this clever system—bending at the waist, leaning forward and gripping the sides of the hefty rock filled bucket I was able to push this makeshift quarry to be dumped in its new territory.

Quite proud of my ingenuity, speed and efficiency until…one of the wheels caught on a slightly raised edge of cement along the racetrack, I mean garden pathway, abruptly stopping all forward motion except for the rocks, bucket and me. Gravity paired with hundreds of heavy rocks, leaning forward and my tight grip on the sides of the bucket, careened me to the unforgiving cement, face down. I am sure there is a clever scientific formula which reads…

gravity + momentum + hundreds of rocks + “I’m pretending to be a flexible, gymnastic flipping 25 year old” = @#%$& + bruised elbow, scraped knees, gravel cuts on the cheek + one very broken nose.

During the two weeks of bed rest, qualifying for the Quasimodo lookalike contest and having my ENT doctor pretend I was Rocky as he reset my nose, the post-injury mental baggage claim circulated and I watched each item with its individualized name tags; Shame – Blame – Regret as they rotated on my internal conveyor belt of self assessment. Why did this happen and how could I have been so careless and yep, unaware of the risks?

The lesson hit me right in the face…literally. I was doing too much, too fast, too many rocks in my bucket, too unaware of the possible pitfalls of a wheel getting stuck. I had not adjusted. I became too comfortable with what I thought was working and increased my load, accelerated my pace and became more invigorated with finishing than focusing on the moment. Sound familiar?

Life can get heavy and we often react quickly to manage, move and dispose of the burdens we carry. Racing around the track of life, loading more than should be pushed, we fill days up, tumbling, dulling awareness, getting scraped, bruised and perhaps broken.

This is when CHOICE is a necessary container and INTENTION a powerful vehicle. Choice means to thoughtfully assess what is the task before us, how much can we really carry and do ALL the “stones” really belong to us or could some be carried by another? Intention is the focused energy applied to the task, with consistent evaluation of how we are doing, feeling and progressing.

In reference to our late 50’s, early 60’s aging process, a friend recently spoke about making each step deliberate. Yuk. I used to simply leap saying “yes!” and not pausing to consider labor required. Each step, task and endeavor included spontaneity, speed and voila, accomplishment. Are you kidding, being deliberate seemed the counterpoint to “just do it!” Waiting for the CT scan to confirm if I had a concussion or brain bleed, well, let’s say I faced up to a few realities.

As my recovery progressed, the swelling abated, purple tinted black eyes morphed to a jaundice yellow hue and new items came into view on my baggage claim of emotions; Gratitude – Relief – Acceptance – Deliberate.

I appreciate and value my brain; there was no head injury. I cherish having a body that moves, swims, dances and hugs; the only break was my beak. I love to smile and laugh broadly; relieved all my teeth are still in their original spots. I deeply love this one deliberate, beautiful life and focus my intentions to face up to it every day.

03May

Julie LyleBalance, Diet, Fitness, Gratitude, Health, Life Challenges, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

Transformation Part 2: Stop, Stand and Start

It was time to grieve the ending of my complacency, avoidance and magical thinking. High scores and bigger numbers are welcomed results for academic exams, bank accounts and maybe even “likes” on Instagram, yet not on a blood test for cholesterol and glucose. Numbers don’t lie, yet I had been doing quite a bit of falsifying the discomfort I felt in my own skin until the “H” for “high” on the computerized notification really represented, “Hellooooo, is anyone home???”

I had to stop being a negligent homeowner who doesn’t stay on top of necessary maintenance. Buckets of grief filled over about a four year period, absence from exercise, working more and playing less, and indulgent eating habits I’ll blame on the pandemic. All of these and more contributed to my home “body” being less than structurally sound.

We can sit in the driver seat of our intentions, yet don’t have the key to get started. Or, we fill up the tank of our motivation vehicle, yet run out of owning its purpose only to abandon the expedition on the side of our lives. Here are a few examples of those who STARTED at various ages and stages of their lives:

Audrey Hepburn stars as Eliza Doolittle in the film version of My Fair Lady – age 35
Mark Twain publishes The Adventures of Tom Sawyer – age 40
Gustave Eiffel completes designing the Paris tower that will be named for him – age 56
Betty Ford opens up her self-named clinic for substance abusers – age 64
Michelangelo designs the dome of St. Peter’s Basilica, Rome – age 72
Barbara McClintock wins the Nobel Prize for Physiology for her revolutionary work in genetics – age 81
Mother Jones, union organizer, writes her autobiography – age 94

To start a change is to gather the sticks of self-kindness, the kindling to ignite living differently. We can contemplate how our “home” gets neglected, how the “fire” was extinguished, yet action ultimately comes from stopping, standing, answering, listening, believing and waking up. I had to find the KIND in kindling to ignite personal change, stand up and respond to the deeply knowing self that was calling to be better, healthier. At whatever season of life you currently occupy, it is completely, most assuredly, in the present that we must start where we stand.

Where do you stand today? It is not easy to finally stop, stand in front of your denial and know something needs to change. What needs to stop so that you can stand and answer the call of what you must start? Is there a relationship needing renewal? Career efforts requiring inspiration? Physical laments calling for attention? Creative possibilities hungry for attention? Emotional challenges demanding healing? Life transitions asking to be acknowledged and accepted?

Here were my kindling items:

Focused Energy – Plan, purchase and create healthy nutritional supplies

Investment – Make self-care a daily deposit of ingestion and activity

Return – Telling the truth to myself, revisiting core values of physical health

Encouragement – Self-soothing messages to make healthy choices

Since September 2022, my numbers are all less…pounds, cholesterol and glucose. The “H” for high has retreated from the scoreboard. By gathering KINDness for myself, I experienced fulfillment in the midst of deficit. Acceptance led to action. Action fueled transformation. Transformation generated energy, renewal and a reminder…all things are possible when we choose to be kind to our bodies, hearts and minds.

30Dec

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Life Challenges, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

2023: Manifest Your Dreams—You are Capable!

We spend January 1st walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential.
—Ellen Goodman

There used to be a stationary store in town which was far too “old school” to have a surveillance camera. Yet if it had, the footage would have documented my annual visit in early December. That’s right, once a year I used to visit this shop to make a solitary purchase; my appointment calendar.

The shop closed, I tracked down my favorite calendar brand (Quo Vadis & Exacompta) and now order online. Today, as I open the delivered package, I find myself tenderly admiring the pristine, fresh pages awaiting the plethora of plans, client schedules, expected and TBA events for a new year. Often I am asked if I keep a Google calendar to which I reply “I am pleasantly ‘old school’ when it comes to pencil and paper scheduling.” I love the tactile satisfaction of my calendar companion accompanying me as we journey another year together.

On this last day of 2022, I place the “old” and “new” planning diaries side by side. One is clearly worn, even a bit scrappy with a wrinkled cover and weathered pages with hundreds of scribbles, names, notations, earmarked corners and plenty of experiences documented in shorthand to commemorate 365 days of work, play, chores, joys and challenges.

The other shines smoothly with its unblemished cover, crisp white pages comprising an eager canvas awaiting the colors, landscapes, characters and story of the next 365 days. One book holds the tale of life lived, the other holds POTENTIAL.

This opening quotation is a meaningful metaphor for counseling. So often, the focus on psychotherapy is on those “flawed” life situations; betrayal of trust in a marriage, financial distress, our less than perfect bodies and challenges in overcoming often heartbreaking disappointments and scars from childhood experiences.

In taking a peek at the definition of the word “potential” here is its extrapolation: Capable of development into actuality. WOW, what a fantastic New Year’s motto, “I am capable of developing my dream, plan, attitude and ideas into actuality!” This fresh, blank calendar book is anticipating stunning, spectacular potential to fill each page of your life, with capabilities of turning possibilities into actualities.

I am in awe of how the human spirit is CAPABLE of dealing with the “flaws” of life. Hope in the midst of adversity, healing after heartbreak and insight from loss. So many of my clients find the path to restoring confidence and contentment is through identifying their POTENTIAL; the ability to apply courage, determination and inspiration to develop their greatest self.

As you embark on each page of this New Year, find room for your capabilities, strengths and wisdom to manifest your desires and dreams. Make this a year of diminished flaw seeking and monumental potential building!

21Nov

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Gratitude, Life Challenges, Uncategorized

A Thanksgiving Recipe for Gratitude and Contentment

We will be more successful in all our endeavors if we can let go of the habit of running all the time, and take little pauses to relax and re-center ourselves. And we’ll also have a lot more joy in living.
—Thich Nhat Hanh

I grew up listening to Elton John, Fleetwood Mac, Genesis, Journey, Bob Seger and a variety of other iconic 70’s artists. Jackson Browne was a favorite, and one song in particular resonates with Thich Nhat Hanh’s quote. It went something like this, “Running on – running on empty. Running on – running blind, running on – running into the sun, but I’m running behind.”

Here is your Thanksgiving challenge: stop running. Pause. Experience joy, breathe in contentment and exhale gratitude.

As parents we tell our children to “eat slowly,” “take your time on your homework,” and “brush your teeth longer than 5 seconds!” We emphasize slowing down and yet what do we model for them? “Hurry up! We are going to be late!” The conflict between getting things done and slowing down can be an aggravating catch 22.

How we run, and often tumble, from texting to calls to chores to work to kids’ practices to household demands to friends and events; whew, exhausted, we keep running. Can we really live fully when we are hastily shifting from one moment to the next?

Here are a few ingredients for your Thanksgiving recipe:

Take 5 in the car: No, not minutes or the 5 freeway. Deep, flourishing breaths before you turn the motor on. Five deep breaths, eyes closed, to slow down, focus on a solid center. When you begin to drive, perhaps no podcast, radio or news, instead drive in silence, taking in the color of the sky, the passing dwellings where a potpourri of lives are blending as you cruise by.

Make contact: While doing chores at a grocery store, post office or gas station, take a moment to make eye contact with someone. Smile, make a nice comment, and notice. That’s it, a little pause to connect with another human, who most likely is running too.

Sanctuary now: Is there a place you can call “sanctuary” in the house? Sanctuary is a word I love. Its meaning is related to worship yet also means a place of repose, protection, and reflection. Select a small corner in your bedroom or a room not being used, even a deck chair out on the patio, and make it your sanctuary. Adding a candle, a beloved photo, a vase with fresh flowers, a throw blanket or pillow can all accentuate this as your “pause place,” not for being checked out, quite the opposite…for being considerate and remembering to check in with yourself.

Read: Most of us have a book we thought would be a fun, useful, or inspiring read which has gathered dust on a bedside table. Take it out and keep it close by and pause as you consume a few pages.

In the words of Willie Nelson, “When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” Well, what about today if you say, “When I started taking little pauses, my whole attitude turned around.”

This is your cause; pause. Breathe, notice, smile, connect, read, be grateful and repeat. Here’s wishing you a Thanksgiving cornucopia brimming with pleasing, grateful, restorative pauses!

17Aug

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Covid-19, Gratitude, The Journey of Life

Choosing to ‘Come Around Again’

I know nothing stays the same
But if you’re willing to play the game
It’s coming around again
So don’t mind if I fall apart
There’s more room in a broken heart

—Carly Simon

Carly Simon’s song “Coming Around Again” captures the fading vibrancy of a romantic relationship. The lyrics embrace the demands of parenting and managing mundane tasks that chip away at the early days of heart fluttering newness. Its message is quite practical while inspirational: be patient, trusting, believe in love, steady on and what we once knew to be true, can come around again.

Since March 2020, we stumbled through unknown territory with worried anticipation; would what we used to experience ever come around again? Traveling abroad, attending a packed concert hall, meandering through masses of crowds exiting a ballgame, or jumping into an Uber without a mask? Would our joy, spontaneity, courage and willingness to explore come around again? Time is an elusive yet reliable companion. For many, time faded and became no more due to illness and death. Yet, for those of us fortunate to be here to answer the call today, we now greet what was a far distant wished-for tomorrow during these Covid years.

My son and I traveled to Ireland and the UK in June and I returned with an abundance of jet-lag and fulfillment. Awakening each day in Dublin followed by Cornwall, I found myself buzzing with anticipation and emboldened by crisp winds and strong English breakfast tea. Oh how I had missed the joy of discovering uncharted streets, familiarizing myself with new territory, being a contemporary guest on ancestral soil, eager to be seen as a brave newcomer answering the invitation of the faraway wind, Neolithic stones, Gaelic tunes, and the rugged Irish Sea.

I was a child, eager to open every birthday package simultaneously, each gift more spectacularly perfect than the next. Landscapes deeply rooted with centuries of tales, accents thick in Guinness and an abundance of fish and chips, penetrating folklore melodies of poignant longing and seagulls squawking as if to say “Welcome back! Glad you came around again!”

Make room in your heart, dive into the curiosity pool, wake up to your dreams, venture and dabble in curiosity, share smiles with fellow voyagers and cheers to each of us coming around again.

13May

Julie LyleBalance, Beautiful Life, Covid-19, Gratitude, Health, Life Challenges, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, The Journey of Life

Build the nest, for the bird of hope needs a place to rest.

Build the nest, for the bird of hope needs a place to rest.

Many arriving on the therapeutic couch are weary travelers, stretched to capacity and fatigued having marched across a risky, unknown terrain for over two years. The pandemic, workplace demands from home, challenged by new dimension of effective parenting, rising costs of supplies and since February, a harrowing war in Ukraine; violence and abject suffering within each click of an iPhone. Mt. Peace and Mt. Harmony are distant summits, barely visible, climbing elevations seemingly, hopelessly out of reach.

What happens when we lose our grasp of hope’s existence? Shaking our heads and wringing our hearts, is the concept of “losing” hope synonymous with denying hope? When we deny that hope exists, our thoughts become an internal “Whack a Mole” game. With every glimmering pop of hope, we grab our hammer of despair and whack it down.

Hope: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

Denial: the action of declaring something to be untrue.

Perhaps “Hope” thrives when we become more paced, patient with our expectations. Scale back from the quest to reach the peak of global Kumbaya (albeit a righteous aim), try on more “Hope” and wear it for awhile.

With that, an Emily Dickinson poem archived in one of my college literature brain cells, landed in my cerebral inbox.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers
By Emily Dickinson

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –

And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –

I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.

Dare I be as bold as to challenge Emily, yet I believe “Hope” IS asking something of us. The bird of hope needs to be greeted with a warm, welcoming nest, to find shelter within our hearts, our minds, our souls. “Hope” needs to be fed by our belief in healing, wisdom, learning and striving to be courageous. “Hope” needs to be quenched with the belief we can be kinder, truer and better.

“Hope” exists when it has a nest in you.

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